Anticipating Autumn
Heartful Healing
We have never needed to depend on our Self-Compassion practices more than we have needed them during the last few weeks. As summer has come to an end this year, we have found ourselves enormously burdened with unanticipated violence, chaos, and tragedy, just as many of us were beginning the peaceful transition with our children, friends, and families to fall. This time of year has traditionally brought fun filled rituals of students returning to college, the excitement of selecting back to school clothes and lunch boxes, the challenges of establishing new routines and schedules as the more relaxed days of summer fade away, and the demands of the new season roll in. The days begin to become shorter, and the weather becomes cooler. Even if you do not have children, there is something about summer that slows things down a bit and offers a chance to take a breath, as vacations are typically taken, and work expectations are usually less intense.
Our transition this year has been different. Our experience has been filled with so many horrific acts of violence, and the enormous hatred and judgment that has followed. We experienced a tragic shooting at Annuniciation Church in Minneapolis, where two children were killed and eighteen children were injured. On August 27, during their back to school church service, while praying for a positive school year, a gunman opened fire on a church full of students and staff members through a boarded up window. The doors to the church had been locked for safety. On September 17, three police officers were killed and two injured, as they were ambushed while responding to a call to investigate an ex-boyfriend stalking a woman at her residence. Ultimately, there was the September 10 assassination of Charlie Kirk while speaking to a group of students on a college campus in Utah. Unfortunately, these just highlight the violent incidents that have taken place in our country over the last month, and the horrific judgments that followed.
These incidents and the political and social media attention that they have been given have created enormous anxiety, stress, and fear in many, if not most of us over the last few weeks. Just when we thought our country could not be any more divided, we learned it could indeed become splintered with caustic conversations, horrific allegations, and remarks I never imagined from a President of The United States that just continue to grow more disrespectful and unprofessional with time. During this past week, Jimmy Kimmel’s late night television show was taken off the air because the government did not like the messages he was sharing with the public. It is my opinion that it does not matter if you agree with his message, or disagree with his message; protesting for our freedom of speech is the most important constitutional job that we have as Americans right now, regardless of your political belief or affiliation. It was an enormous relief to see him reinstated into his position. The entire event was riddled with judgment.
In this context, Judgment is the formation of negative opinions about the character of someone else without empathy. I believe judgment frequently stems from individuals' personal biases, sometimes a need to be superior to someone else, and sometimes it comes out in difficult social situations. I believe how we judge reveals what we value. We have seen an enormous amount of negative judgement over the last month. While judgment is cognitively based, it can have an enormous impact on our emotional regulation. As we are constantly bombarded with television and media images of the violence of murders and assassination, as well as the constant bombarding of ugliness among members of our own community, who are often our friends and neighbors; we find no space. We are exhausted.
We are exhausted too because we see no end. We can not look ahead and say “ well, at least that is over, now we can move forward.” We do not yet have a solution, nor do we have a direction that will lead us out of this hell that we find ourselves somehow connected to.
Therefore, it is imperative that each one of us becomes the solution. It is imperative that we realize the power that each one of us has to play a significant role in our own personal family circle and community, if you so desire. We have the power to suspend judgment. It really serves no purpose. Think about all of the judgments that you make in a day. Think about all of the times that you worry that someone is judging you. Imagine suspending judgment in your life for a day, dedicating a day to not passing judgment, and trying to block processing and participating in conversations involving the judgment of others. Small actions can often have a great impact. If this action worked for you, you might consider trying it another day.
As I reminded you when we began, the most important action that you can take right now to take care of yourself, is to practice Self-Compassion during these challenging days. Taking a few minutes as you begin each day to ground yourself in the language of Self- Compassion will greatly improve the quality of your experience each day. Remember Mindfulness- staying in the moment to resolve difficult situations so that they do not build up and fester and come out in other ways during your day, and Self-Kindness- treating yourself with the same kindness that you would treat a friend or a family member. Be patient and forgiving with yourself. You will make mistakes. That is where the learning occurs. Finally, you are a very important member of our Greater Humanity. Everything that happens to you each day has happened to many other people. When you get that feeling “ how could this happen to me?” or that feeling when you make a mistake that everyone around you seems to always do things perfectly, give your head a shake. There is no perfection on Earth. Some individuals learn to hide imperfection better than others. It is the one thing that crosses all political, cultural, social and economic boundaries. If only everyone was aware!
Until next time, be safe, be mindful, be kind to yourself.