Transitioning Transitions
Falling into Fall
It has been more than a minute since I have connected with you. I have taken a little break from my blog this summer. I was enormously committed when I launched this blog in January. I was going to publish at least once a month, and I had so many thoughts and ideas that I wanted to share to engage you in practices around Self-Compassion. My colleagues and friends cautioned me. They shared that I would lose my steam. They shared that it would most likely be impossible to “keep up with once a month publishing.” I dismissed their feedback. I was so energized by all of the benefits of Self-Compassion practices. I was committed to reaching as many readers as possible, to share these simple self care practices and make connections to everyday experiences and situations. That was my goal.
However, I found myself this late spring and summer in an unexpected emotional transition. I found myself not able to write effectively during this transition. Transitions are really hard! In life, we are continually facing transitions. Webster’s dictionary defines transitions this way: A change or shift from one stage to another. also : a period phase in which such a shift is happening : a life change. A Passage. A voyage.
At this time of year, everyone has a different reaction to the transition of the season. In Maine, our days have begun to become darker earlier. I noticed yesterday at 7:15 p.m, it seemed that dusk had set in, such a significant change from a month ago. That made me a little sad thinking about the days ahead when the sun will set even earlier. In the mornings this week, the temperature has been so much cooler, another reminder that soon the leaves will begin to change color, and the incredibly warm days that we have been enjoying this summer will be a memory until next year.
As summer is drawing to a close, and we move toward fall, I am reminded of all of the transitions taking place in our lives. As a former educator, I know all to well the energy that goes into preparing children to go back to school. There are so many adjustments that families make to meal times, and bedtimes. You have had enormous responsibility in creating new schedules for each of your children depending on their ages, and individual needs. I am confident that you have worked diligently to create opportunities for each of your children to have an opportunity to meet their teachers and visit classrooms prior to going back to school.
Adult children are transitioning back to college. These emotional transitions can be very challenging in so many ways, especially if it is their first year away. There are other transitions that may be taking place that have nothing to do with the season. Perhaps you are in a relationship transition; a relationship is beginning or ending. These are transitions of the heart which can consume your whole being and paralyze your day to day life. There are also professional transitions. Perhaps you have recently moved into a new job or totally changed the organization that you work for. No matter how you think about transitions, they happen and they are hard. They are emotional, and sometimes when they are unwanted transitions, they can bury your heart.
I would like to think that you are practicing Self-Compassion every day. I would like to think that you are setting aside time every day to be mindful, to practice self kindness, and to think of yourself as a part of our greater common humanity. However, I understand that life happens, and we do not put ourselves first. We actually most often sit at the back of the bus. That is why I am writing to you. To remind you that you can not always be there for others, if you are not taking care of yourself first. When we go through transitions, we are in a place emotionally where we may forget how important it is for self care. It is during these times that it is especially important to practice self care.
I encourage you during this month of September, as we are all transitioning in so many ways, to remember that you are never alone. You are a part of our Greater Humanity. Everyone on Earth is experiencing feelings, thoughts, and challenges that are in some way similar to the experiences that you are having right now. Also, be kind to yourself. We have a tendency to default to so much negative self talk in our heads. Studies show that for women especially, more than 70% of the inner dialogue running in our minds at any given moment is negative and self critical. Think about that and about the impact that it has on our day to day lives and decision making. Finally, be mindful. If we do not practice mindfulness, we will allow problems or worries to build up in our minds. If you practice mindfulness, you will think through concerns as they come and put them to rest. Mindfulness enables you to stay with a concern in the moment and work it through, rather than ignoring it and burying it or letting it fester and resurfacing in some unexpected alternative situation.
The practice of Self Compassion will always provide you with an anchor in the navigation of your day to day life. It is especially helpful during challenging times, such as times when we are going through transitions to have inner resources to rely on to provide a little bit of extra support when you are struggling. As we enter September, remember this quote that I have lifted from the Zen Taoism Buddhism site : Grapes must be crushed to make wine. Diamonds form under pressure. Olives are pressured to release oil. Seeds grow in darkness. Whenever you feel crushed, under pressure, pressed, or in darkness, you’re in a powerful place of transformation.
Until next time, be safe, be mindful, be kind to yourself.